+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + doomed to obscurity + special number 1 + august 11th, 1995 + 88888, d888888 889 8, 8 888' 8 8b 888 8 88 88 888 888 888 888 88888b 88888b 888 68886 888888b 888 8 66 66 6688 8866 6688 8866 66 ,88 866 8b 888 86 68 666 866 886 8' 88b d88 888 88 888 888 88 888 8822' 866 888, 4 86 68 668 866 d8888' `88uu88' d8b d8b d8b d8b b88887 86b d88888b d888b d8b m0g + dummercon '96; the review - "so 'leet it was a year ahead!" + +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + intro + churned out by - mogel this whole silly t-file is basically a little memory-saving ditty that we're doing in honor of dummercon '96. yes, it did happen in '95. like the slogan says, we're ahead of our time. at any rate, i don't wanna ramble too much since this file is basically a huge collection of rambles already. if you have a short attention span, you might find this file boring. heck, if you have a long attention span, you might find this boring. however, this file is under the very final word on dummercon's point; which is that it "served it's purpose well." dig them cookies? anyhow, this all might be pretty pointless. who knows. +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + the dummercon '96 hype file + exploited by - black francis and mogel for those that have no idea _what_ dummercon was, here's a clipping of the t-file tossed around for the event: +--- dto ---+ what is dummercon '96? ====================== dummercon '96 will _basically_ be a two-day dealy-deal formulated and conceived of for the sole purpose of disgusting all of the modem warriors in the e'zine scene by introducing us to each other, or at least whoever shows up. day one - (optional jammy) lollapalooza! that's right. some wise dummercon folks decided it would be pretty keen to catch lollapalooza in philly on july 30th, which is the day before dummercon! wowza. if you want to go, there will be a nice sized caravan heading on up to the camden waterfront park, so transportation will be no problem. you just need to snatch yourself some tickets. black francis and courtney love within a miles radius of each other? would you even dare miss it? day two - the dummercon festivities (which we will go into detail with shortly)! although we will actually be having conversations on e'zines, ideas, and progressing things we might be doing, the meeting is also amazingly intended to be a social event. we're assuming this isn't a big deal and no one coming to this deal will be some ansi dewdleboy that spends most of his suburban life trapped up in his room because mommie and daddy don't 'get' why he spends every waking hour drawing a picture of calvin and hobbes with colored blocks on his computer. no none of those guys here, no sir. there are actually activities planned and raddy-rad things in the works. if you have any suggestions, you can contact us at the places specified later in this file. amazingly enough, here are some of the events that are being planned; food, food, food! yeah, that's right, dummercon '96 is basically a large scale computer-geek picnic. plenty of grub for _everyone_, even our 'husky' friends. bobbing for warez! who can courier the warez out from the small tub of water the fastest? only the elite shall survive! lamers will be drowned! fun! games! prizes! the big bag of dumb stuff raffle (come and find out just what in blazes we're talking about)! hang out with some of the coolest cats, like mogel, black francis, and other e'zine guys! pretend you're elite enough to be our friends! +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + tale of events at duhcon + chronicled by - mogel welp, i woke myself up at 10am and jumped in the shower. i proudly grabbed my big bag of dumb stuff. i patted myself on the back and noted that _my_ dumb stuff was truly fitting in the namesake. i waited about a half hour and in typical frannie-fashion, he's late. i guess i can't really complain as i wasn't the one driving or anything. hmph. i passed the time by writing email to this chick that i wanted to show up that i had told about the whole 'zine-deally-deal i ran. she never showed up. woe-is-me. anyway, while waiting for me to grab some drinkage for 'the event', the always seemingly charismatic and _energetic_ murmur (who came out from illinois to join the event, along with going to see lollapalooza with many of us) grabbed my 'boggle' game and spelled out 'warez' in a nifty diagonal fashion. it was almost as if he was in some sort of a trance. this was a sign of eliteness! we drove to the dummercon site with a droning "_screw the permit!_" chant just oozing out of out veins. and lateness, yes we were late. what seemed like instants, we arrived at the site and greeted the new jersey contingent who had arrived before us and were creating mass anarchy. we made our introductions and i lead the crew to a nice picnic table, whereupon we'd center the festivities. rattle showed off the old cpu unit that was formerly tlorah. to my surprise, many destructive games were created with the use of the pieces inside. go figure. i smirked and booted up my handy labtop while the nuts-o guys played their reindeer games. i also took a gander over at eerie, who wasn't playing the 'alternative baseball' either, scribbling something down on paper. those doodleboys are all the same. draw draw draw!@ after some clever hax0ring of my 'puter via rattle and a bootable game of dig dug, i brought up my good 'ol text editor and thus we created the dummercon live t-file, seen later in this big jammy file. the total turn out was a pathetic measly fifteen people. many, many people that "were" gonna come, cancelled last minute-like. they suck. still, dummercon turned out to be funky in it's own way, and it was exactly what it was planned to be - a 'leet get-together. arriving not too much later was the suburban pennsylvania contingent, which included iceman, dead cheese, thalassocracy, and heroin girl. after more silliness was exchanged, we had upon us other random local rad guys that showed up to our surprise. eightball came from philly's own glorious bus system, septa. also came gauss, some heather girl, and swallow (who arrived saying "we knew this had to be dummercon 'cause there was some idiot standing on a bench slamming himself with a 286.") can you believe rattle doesn't like bubbles?! _everyone_ loves bubbles. he's got problems. after exchanging stories around the big ol' bench we seemed centered upon, we came to compile everyone's contributions to the big bag of dumb stuff. being the clever guy i am, i made sure that only me and frannie knew the sum whole of what was in the bag. we figured it was a wacky way to get rid of 'neat-o' junk that we didn't want, but held just enough attachment to that they couldn't just 'toss' it. each person picked from the free-raffle and the following prizes were distributed. 0-day. actually, in a tongue- -and-cheek way, many people were happy with what they got. here's the prize-list: a richard pryor comedy album on record, a 'intel spentium' baseball cap, old disks of dos 3.0, dragon's lair part 2, parody gothic-art by me, a six-year-old slinky, the 'after the rain' nelson cd, a bell atlantic coaster, live-audio tape of the first 'wizard comic awards', a wooden hippo, a transformer toy, a green jello poster, a vanessa williams tape, neko's pathetic 'wierd' magazine, a grampa cratchett poster, two boxes of candy sticks, a cheap trick tape, a box of marshmellow bunnies, a child's play 2 bumper sticker, the melrose place soundtrack, the humpty dance single, a cd-rom about seeds, _lots_ of apple iie stuff, a big ugly bookend, a 'caution, we floor' sign, a demo of thal's first band, a hand-held hockey game, bootable digdug, a wooden puppet, some stupid eye-in-water toy, a garbage pail kids starter pack, a heathfliff comic book, a gas pass, snow's informer, an astronaut troll, a pencil sharpener that looks like a nose, a gumby figure, and a leather whip. in a strange way, dummercon was pretty festive and neat, even if it was a bit too small. i'm sure it'll be a real big neat thing next year, especially since we planned this year so badly and late. we left about an hour early thinking everyone that was gonna show had shown and some people left. unfortuantly, i found out the next day that whisper showed up mere _minutes_ after we packed up and left only to find a group of asian kids playing softball. we won't leave early ever again. boy, am i satiated! +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + reflections + spazzed out by - murmur dummer than thou. uhm. what? yeah! i was at dummerkon#@! and all sorts of things happened. here's my reflections. well, i had the rather profound pleasure and good fortune of spending a lovely and exciting four days in philadelphia with our good buddy, black francis, boarding me for the whole while. i figure i may as well tell you all what four days with frannie, four days out east, four days of eliteness and phear are *really* like. frannie's house and family weren't really *all* that exciting, but his tiny little sister (well, i think she's two or something) is sort of goofy and wacky, and she does say 'i phear mogel@#!' i think i was at some party/gathering and met like the most elite of d00dz there, too. like, thalassocracy and beck hansen and a whole pile of others. i think it was at this girl mogel was going out with's house, but actually, i forget who exactly were all at the party, or really even where the party was, i just remember leeching freeze pops from their freezer. now, that sunday, we had the incredible fortune of seeing: lollapalooza@!#@! we completely missed the mighty mighty bosstones, because, well, frannie was such a sweet guy we had to wait for velocity girl (his girlie!@) to get home and be ready before any of us could go (and somehow he was driving eight people across some river to new jersey). this didn't bother us, although we almost missed half of the jesus lizard's set, and that sort of annoyed me, cause i wanted to see the jesus lizard. but, we were sufficiently far from the stage that it didn't matter, because even *had* david yow done the 'tight and shiny' we couldn't have seen it. now, beck was up next. beck was ok, but he kinda waned after a bit. i think we went wandering off but came back when we heard 'loser' for some bizarre reason. overall, i suppose his set was pretty rad. next up on the main stage was elastica, but after only a couple songs we wandered over to the second stage. now, i wanted to see elastica, but, once again, they weren't a big ol' stadium band. so we went over to the second stage and caught the last number from built to spill, which was pretty rad. then we caught the beginning of superchunk's set. superchunk was *really* good. it's a shame how they scheduled everyone. oh, before i go on: it was me (i'm murmur@!#), black francis, mogel, spiff, dead cheese, beck hansen, velocity girl, and some chick named nykia (mogel's friend). now, really, we hadn't done much wacky stuff yet. we hadn't gotten up and really smacked into the pit yet or anything. but next up on the main stage was: pavement!@@@ pavement ist rad!!#~!# they kicked off with 'silent kid' and we were grooving. at the time i had a rather nasty stomach cramp (it was *hot* out there and i drunk too much coke. sharing a coke would give beck hansen my strep throat##!) but my friends steve, steve, scott, bob, and mark, they made up for it. because, as you know, pavement ist rad@!# we got down, we jammed, and we screamed (well, i screamed) at the assholes who were busy being drunk and not paying attention to america's finest live band (slightly arguably, but not really.) they didn't do any of my favorite wacky wacky wacky go nuts and hurt people songs (read: 'at$&t', 'serpentine pad', 'flux = rad!') but they did 'range life' and 'two states' (sung with **feeling** by the one and only spiral stairs.) all-around rad, i say. well, pavement sort of stopped playing, and we went off again. moby was on the second stage, and he was interesting, but not my cup of tea. the group sort of disassembled some here and there, and some lollapalooza things were being taken down, even. cypress hill took the main stage, which really didn't mater much to anyone. they were ok, i guess. every song of theirs was about marijuana. well, moby finished up, and no one was left on the second stage, and out on the first stage, here comes hole. well, black francis, he sticks his middle fingers in the air and starts swearing at courtney love. and some of us rad fellows, we sort of followed suit (beck hansen and myself.) and, well, hole sucks. but lo and behold, it's beck@!#@ on the second stage!#@ and all he has is an acoustic guitar@! although his was a really quiet set, it was the biggest surprise of lollapalooza for me. i thought it was pretty damn rad. as soon as i get the dough, i'm gettin' a copy of that _one foot in the grave_ cd he did a lot of stuff from. frannie, he no like it much, but dead cheese, he do. beck finished up, we wander back to the main stage where mogel and nykia sit on a picnic blanket, and well, pretty soon, here's courtney love, and she's singing nirvana's 'pennyroyal tea'. well, you know, i like nirvana. and, well, 'pennyroyal tea' is my favorite nirvana song. so i walk off the other way, middle fingers raised, shouting a whole lot more than frannie did earlier. hole didn't get too much applause for that number. in fact, even for hole, they were pretty terrible. i went and got a lemon freeze thing. it dripped all over me. so, i finish up, it's getting dark, and it's time for sonic youth#!@ and here comes steve and thurston and lee and kim and well, they rocked my pants off@@ literally#@#! frannie didn't like the excessive instrumentation, so, well, fuck frannie@#! it was rad as all hell! we were centralized in the pit this time (as we had been for pavement) and actively participated in some ass kicking and trashing of young punks. whilst jumping for a balloon i pulled a rib muscle but rejoined the fray soon enough. i proved my slam dancing virtues to be exquisite (or did i?) to spiff and beck hansen and dead cheese and frannie who were all down there with me. oh, i dug sonic youth wackier and wackier@! and i even knocked down a gothic chick that went around slamming into people for no good reason@#! yes!@ lollapalooza was really rad. pavement and sonic youth and beck and superchunk were highlights. $3 for a coke and hole weren't the hottest things, but the temperature was, sadly. the rest of my trip was largely spent in frannie's house, where i joined the rare and elite group that have read the fabled milk and cheese comics. oh, that cheese is a wacky guy@#!@$# i also read a whole bunch of other stuff that was lying around and frannie and i watched neko's movies, which were rather confusing and odd to say the least. frannie was supposed to take me to the baltimore airport tuesday for a 5:15 flight back to chicago. we were walking out the door at 2:00 when his mother, she suddenly takes the car to do errands. she gets back at like 3:00 and says 'you'll never make it!!#@' i'm like, 'uh. doh!$!##' so, we head down the highway, find some rather slow moving traffic at times, make one ten minute stop so i can get some popeye's chicken, and get to bwi airport at: 5:30!@ so after calling o'hare and leaving a page for my dad and trying to get on the next flight and all sorts of shitty old shit, frannie and i sit around for two and half hours or so. then, i find out i can get on the 9:00 flight, frannie and i bid farewell, and i go home, arriving at the airport to find my dad and step mom, who were at o'hare at 6:15 like they were supposed to be, and were there then at 10:00, hoping i was on the plane but not really knowing. really, philly was pretty damn rad. it was like spending four days with all the elite rad east coast people instead of the elite rad midwest people. and hey, it's all elite and rad#! on to the real dummercon. first off, i was disappointed by the turnout, but pleased with the quality of individuals that arrived. i had hoped, coming from illinois, that we would go in the 25-30 range, yet we only hit 15. that's ok though, because we had some rad individuals. the new jersey contingent, including rattle, tut (they called him tit too, and tried to rape him), and ilsundal, and eerie too (although in fact eerie came from ontario, and that's something else) was a pretty damn rad bunch. we arrived at the site to see four rather confused looking punks trying to hack a sign, and we knew that we were in the right place (plus, we were the ones who selected the place. you see, although i wasn't technically involved in planning, by virtue of spending four days in chez frannie, and half of the time there contained with mogel too, i can claim whatever the fuck i want). enough of that. the highlights. rattle brought the old tlorah computer and unwittingly started a dummercon tradition of hacking a computer. hacking it to bits, literally. cheers to iceman, who sunk tlorah, but not before tlorah had claimed several casualties (dead cheese, rattle, and myself and perhaps others as well). also, we successfully played baseball with several components, first the tlorah 3.5" drive, and later bananas and ham sandwiches, creating a wild mess. that's a tradition some may not like to see in the future :) plus, the dumb stuff was, well, pretty fucking dumb. neko kindly gave me a shit load of stuff and, well, it's gone, all taken away. i think i wound up with the only really true usable warez, myself, plus prickle, if i still have him. also, i learned, wowee! i can jam with the best of them. in fact, i even broke the d string on frannie's bass by engulfing myself in such a furious jam. we r0x0red the house. for anyone from farther away, including illinois, rhode island, california, new jersey, alabama, florida, or anywhere else, you've got to come next year. we'll make plans earlier so everyone can get there safely and comfortably without losing their jobs. i mean it. i'll see to it. seriously. i expect no less than fifty people next year, all bringing a comparable amount of dumb stuff to what mogel, dead cheese, and myself brought. i want to see another computer eat dust. i want to see more people with instruments, more plans, more warez, more everything. and water, oh lord, did we need fresh water. water. +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ + the stupid, little live priceless/pointless t-file + non-spellchecked + in this file you'll find (in order of appearance); mogel, murmur, rattle, eerie, ilsundal, black francis, tut, eightball, thalassocracy, dead cheese, iceman, swallow, heroin girl, and gauss. ho-hum. here's the t-file that was created on my labtop. note that we had pretty limited time as batteries suck. +--- dto ---+ dummercon '96 live ================== mogel: uhm. i'm sniffing off!-wannabe stuff. the feds are trying to infiltrate us through a thick spy plot disguising as seafood trucks. bastards!@# these guys are all freaks!@ save me! ah!!@ wowee zowee! this here is murmur, fresh off an impromptu game of tlorah-ball (in tlorah-ball you take the old tlorah computer, use the case as a bat, and the 3.5" drive as the ball.) black francis sux0rs at tlorah-ball. anyways. mogel brought seagram's ginger ale but like, a bee got in mine, i hate dem buzzers. so, well, yippep!@#k@ek hey rattle, uhm.. what's in store for america's most elidgeable batchelor? rattle: oh god.. fuck off.. i have no creativity. go away.. actually, i'm like pre engaged and stuff.. it's cool, having a life in all. i donno.. who cares.. i'm at a lack for letters.. i'll come back to the geek machine later.. 33: the gyus are currently raping tut. nice to see that, i mean, at a moment in someone's life, virginity has to go. true? false? man, that keyboard sucks. death to notepads mufuqazzzz!#@^%& murmur: my name backwards is rumrum. yesh!#u@ ilsundal: holy green, hug a tree! mogel: i am an over weight black man. smell my sweat. i've got more hair than you. make it or break it. hey!@# there's no fuckin' fat people here!@# i'm so left out!@# where's the little girls to feed my pedophile habit!?@ i have the need to feed. my hair is better than yours. hey, let's start a new t-file group@#$ let's call it gggggggraphomaniacs!@#@! demonseed: yeah!@ start the group!@# we loooooooove writing!@# we're just kray-zee about writing!@# whee!@ no, wait!@ i'm cutting out of this project guys!@!@ it's too political!@# bF - graphoooooooo-maniah!@ 33: now you can call me "33 backwards", this or "undergrown lamer". bF - dis computer sucks, dewd!@ anywho, yeah. when we drove into the park, the first thing we saw was rattle having phun with the picnic area #7 sign! wack-ee!@ then we started destroying stuff and molesting tut with a network cable!@ it was phun phun phun!@ hawhawhaw!@ stop me before i kill again!@ murmur: and now a transcription of the jam eerie and i so recently engaged in: "little love geyser" originally by the putrid quilts i got me a little geyser i got me a little geyser my geyser's overflowing my geyser's overflowing with love my little love geyser my little love geyser my geyser's overflowing my geyser's overflowing with love we also did other rad stuff. eerie is doing gumby covers. "_sadness is *not* a good feeling!_" - gumby, sung by eerie "the bomb! the bomb! it is scary yes it is!" - gumby, sung by bF "spam, i hate spam. i just ate it. it made me sick." - eerie tut: well, i've been here for about an hour and 1/2 so far, and i've been a monkey boy and people have been trying to tie me to a tree with net cables. it's all rattle's fault. just cuz it is. i have yet to throw tlorah and play with the spam, although i'm scared it will bite me. holy green mogel: murmur is yelling about clams and ti-81's. i don't get it. he's so random. wackee!@# hey, last night i was havin' this funk-a-fied dream about this whole event and i kept getting these images of thousands of bjorks boppin' around and they were all chanting "ansi! ansi!" and they were running 0-day speed. i got this theory that michael jacks0n was actually slowly becoming bjork. it's like magic! all chicks want me. even the guys. if i was gay i'd be getting major ass. bF - there's spam everywhere!@ argh!@ spam spam spam spam!@ watch out!@ 33-man: some guy just came in, bringing zillions of cans of mountain dew. looks like a cool guy. whatever. existential stuff: god: does he fucking exists? the answer is "yes, but he's in a coma." he's probably listening to like guns 'n roozs. demonseed: i will strike my vengence through tlorah. 8ball - okay,,, well, i had a really fun time getting here. i woke up this morning, and realized, hey, i should be at d-con now, damn, sucks for me. h0h0. anyway, i called septa and got the info of how to get here. go me. eye then went to catch the 100 from ardmore, where i live (aka east bumblefuck). an33w4y, aphter g3tting c4rd3ed ph0r smokes, i jumped on the train and now its time for someone else to type thal: ahh.. i dunno what to type,, um.. iceman is a crappy driver.. umum.. this place needs outlets. i'm gonna go get spam. cheese: uh. it's hot. i'm sweating. i couldn't get tlorah into the trash bin. my gnads are soggy. umm.. fun-o-rama!@$$!@! ice: uhh... i nearly got lost, i'm hot and cranky. otherwise, i'm still phat phunky and very hairy! demonseed: yes, you are hairy! i'm swallow - the one who calls everybody lamer. hg: hey im that stoopid chick from mass.. why the hell am i here? but uh this sucks yr a fucten wannabe phreak anyways im gonna kill tom and hes a real bad driver.. y'all visit me in florida huh? yeh but anyways kiss my frend ass huh? the heroin girl was here and isnt happy demonseed: what the hell is that beeping?!@ hello i'm gausEp00..... i don't have much to say... cheese: hey, i'm supposed to say some wacky stuff. despite my underwear stuck to my ass, there's not too much wackiness here. hmm... i think i brought the most dumb stuff. eye r0x. [as rattle approached the keyboard, the battery died!@ haw haw!@] +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ we better see _your_ ass at dummercon '97!@ for the latest in dto propaganda, call dto whq - tacoland - @ 215-750-0392 nup - dreams are free all correspondence should be directed towards - dto@tnce.com d2o one / all rights reserved - 1995 - doomed to obscurity press +--------------------------------------------------------------------------+